Many people love Facebook. I love the fact that I can keep up with family and friends instantaneously and share videos and pictures that are priceless. I can also get updates on topics that interest me. With so much communication going on, why is everybody so often misunderstood?
Well, the fact is that most of our communication is conveyed non-verbally. Without the benefit of watching someone speak, hearing their inflections and tones, and the added difficulty of misspellings, hitting “send” or “comment” too soon, or misinterpretation the emoticons of others, we can easily get into hot water. Here are some tips that I have found to help the Face Book addict communicate more effectively.
1. Use of CAPITAL letters. When communicating through text, capital letters suggest YELLING or emphasis. If you’re yelling ALL the time, it becomes very annoying to your readers. Unlock your caps key and “speak” like a normal person.
2. Punctuation marks. I personally love using exclamation points! Especially after a good laugh. Ha!ha! While multiple exclamation points are never used in formal language, with FB it’s perfectly normal. Use punctuation correctly to avoid construing the wrong idea. Quotation marks are never to be used for emphasis. In fact, they often denote irony. I’m “sorry” means you’re not sorry at all. No one is getting graded on FB so if your friends make simple errors, there’s no need to correct them, especially if English is not their primary language. Here’s a look at what a difference a little punctuation can do.
The man walked his dog.
The man walked his dog?
The MAN walked his dog. Or, the “man” walked his dog. (My favorite.)
The man walked HIS dog.
The man WALKED his dog.
The man walked his DOG.
Oh, the man walked his DOG!
3. Emoticons. An emoticon is a picture of an emotion such as a happy face J, sad face L or any other face that conveys emotion. I’ve got the happy face down. I type a colon, dash then a parenthesis. I enjoy the fact that on Microsoft Word, my emoticons automatically change from the three keys I type to the picture you see above. That doesn’t always work on FB. I usually end up “winking” when I just meant to “smile”. Try out some new emoticons. They’re fun to make and fun to read.
4. Assumptions. I try to assume when I read something odd that I might not be getting the full picture. It’s hard to get one’s point across within such a limited space. If you read something that makes you think twice, first try to figure out what the writer was trying to convey. Don’t automatically jump on the attack wagon. Some people are simply having a bad moment. It’s a good idea to just let those things go if you can’t offer something positive.
5. Length of comments. When one of my friends was in the hospital, I tried to send a long joke on his wall. FB cut me off. Apparently, when rambling too long, even FB will let you know to wrap it up. If your comments frequently contain a “see more”, then you might want to curtail your “speech”. If you have a novel to write, go write one.
6. Offensive language. Just don’t do it.
7. Explicit videos or pictures. Send them privately.
The most important thing of all, though, is to write like you speak. Only better.
Dear Social I.Q. Lady,
I'm not sure I'd agree with your premise that a mere belief in a God is itself always irrational. Was it irrational for primitive Man to believe that an unseen "God" controlled the weather? I just don't consider a child to be irrational if his friends and family teach him to believe in Santy Claus. He's only irrational when he defends his belief while discounting rational information contrary to what he's been told. Like the difference between being naive and being ignorant. Naiveté' is forgivable, ignorance is not.
When primitive man became paranoid and “ran away” from a potentially harmful experience, he usually lived to tell about it. Nature favored those who erred on the side of caution. Over time this paranoia turned into patternicity. It was more beneficial to think you saw something and to take precaution than to ignore what may or may not be out there. Eventually, as man evolved, he had the need to explain his environment. Early man made up fantastic tales to explain how the weather worked, the plants grew, how humans were conceived and born, and even what happened after death. Over time as science replaced myths, most of these tales were relegated to story books.
To believe that there may be some kind of force at hand controlling the universe is not unique. To ascribe qualities to that possible force is indeed irrational and that is exactly what happens when one puts their belief in a god. Let me give you an example. Say you believe in extra-terrestrial life or space aliens. Suppose there is absolutely no evidence to confirm these aliens exist yet you believe they do. Is that irrational? No, it is not. The universe is a never-ending place where almost anything is possible. But let’s say you believe these aliens are visiting you (and some people do), taking samples, and somehow intermingling with society. NOW there is irrationality! This belief would require tremendous work to explain the lack of evidence.
People behave irrationally all the time. A woman, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, worries about her husband’s fidelity. She, like the alien example, starts to make up possible scenarios in her mind involving her husband and another woman (or man, for that matter). Is she being irrational? Yes, she is. This can quickly turn into a marital disaster which is why I also said that belief (referring to a god) can be potentially dangerous.
Simply believing that there is some kind of force that may have created the universe and choosing to name that force “god” is in and of itself not irrational. This is why I have no problem with Deists.
It is basically the way they view “god”. All other theists tend to give their god a name and apply characteristics to their god. Most even go so far as to believe made-up stories about their god and even claim to have a personal relationship with their god. THIS is irrational! The logical understanding of statistics shows us how improbable a god is, let alone conjuring up stories about how this Being created and controls the universe. It is absolutely as irrational as continuing to believe in Santa Clause long after being presented with evidence to contradict the fantasy. The major difference is the first belief is perhaps limited to time and technology, the second depends not only on something being unknowable, but also coupled with an elaborate scheme of false ideas supporting it.
Children love to believe in fairy tales. It’s still irrational (not good or bad), but children can’t understand the difference. As a child matures and begins to understand the nature of the world, he will usually give up his fantasies all on his own. This is called growing up. I enjoy fairy tales. I love to play pretend. As soon as each of my sons were old enough to ask if something was real or pretend I told them the truth, but I tempered it with how much fun it is to pretend. I actually turned the question around back and let each one “discover” the truth on his own.
Unknowns due to lack of knowledge or information exist, but no unknowables exist in the universe. The god concept is patently false and is singularly the most destructive concept ever conceived by man. Unfortunately there have always been (and most likely will continue to be) those who would seek to usurp a material and psychological living from others. The god concept is such an effective tool because the concept embodies most of man’s major fallacies in a convenient well-organized package of specious “truths”. Professional parasites (religious leaders, most politicians) can with relative ease foist these god frauds onto innocent producers in order to cajole or force them into sacrificing their earned values to “higher” causes. These god-concept frauds and fallacies include the promoted “virtues” of humility, egalitarianism, selflessness, “higher” causes and self-sacrifice. These specious “virtues” are used to generate guilt and to humble the producers down to the level of the nonproducer. Once burdened with guilt, the producer will more readily sacrifice his earned values to support the nonproducer. Besides being harmful to one’s thinking process, THIS is another reason why I also said that belief in a god is potentially dangerous.
“Words are given meaning by the ones who use them.”
Paul Dean said, “I is what I is and I’m not changing.” She, like many Caucasians, doesn’t understand why African-Americans can call each other the “N” word but she can’t. Hopefully, I can explain it in a way even she would understand.
Words don’t have meaning. People give meaning to words. That’s why a word can mean one thing to one person or group of persons and something entirely different to someone else. I want to address those different meanings when it comes to “insults”.
Words can take on new meanings with new generations. Take for example the word “gay”. It evolved from meaning “happy” or “joyful” to older generations to “homosexual” in the present day. To be called “gay” has been used as an insult for centuries. In the 17th century a “gay” woman was a prostitute and a “gay” man was a womanizer.
Words can have different meanings between genders. The word “bitch” is one of those gender-driven insults. When a man uses that word to describe a woman, he is essentially comparing her to dog. It’s an ugly insult. What many women have started to do is to take control of that word and turn it into something new. Women can call their friends “bitches” and it’s not an insult. It can actually promote camaraderie if the entire group agrees on the meaning they are attaching to the word. When a woman calls herself a “bitch”, she is standing strong and announcing her position as a leader and a woman who demands respect.
Now to the word that has more potency than even the “F” word. The “N” word. It’s so bad I know better than to even write it. We all know how insulting that word is, but why is it ok for African-Americans to use it, but not any other race? It’s because words are given meaning by the ones who use them. The “N” word has been used as a racial slur for centuries. It’s bad. African-Americans have taken that word and attached new meaning to it when said to each other. It’s very similar to what women have done with the word “bitch”.
Insults have exceptions. The main exception is that they can be used by the targeted group. That’s the rule. So Paula Dean, that’s why it’s not ok for you to call anyone by the “N” word. Ever. Never ever.
Dear Social I.Q. Lady,
What’s the difference between “atheist” and “nontheist”?
Both words essentially mean the same thing: without belief. However, they each hold a different connotation to believers. To many believers, the word atheist carries along some extra “baggage” like “without morals”, “anti-religious”, or “devil-worshiper”.
Good communication requires learning to be both effective and appropriate with our words. Words mean nothing until we attach meaning to them and over time some words change meaning. We speak differently to children than we do to adults and differently to our friends than we do to our boss or a potential client.
Appropriateness refers to fulfilling social expectations for a particular situation. Effectiveness is the extent to which you achieve your goals in an interaction. We need to be both effective and appropriate if we want to become competent communicators. When deciding which word to choose think about what you want to achieve. If you’re talking to a religious family member that “hates” atheists and you want to foster a good relationship, which word should you use? While the word “atheist” is completely appropriate to describe someone without a belief in a god, it’s not effective if it shuts down further communication.
Sometimes people confuse the word “atheist” with “agnostic”. This is also because of connotation. Many people think the difference is a matter of degree of belief, but that’s not accurate. An atheist is someone without a belief in a god and an agnostic is someone without any personal knowledge that a god exists. One can be both! For example, I am an agnostic atheist. While it seems ridiculous that anyone would say he is a gnostic atheist or theist, there are those who feel very strongly that they either know or don’t know. As atheists, we must remember that although the statistics weigh heavily against the existence of any god, we cannot argue that one does not exist. Fortunately we don’t have to; the burden of proof lies with the theist.Social I.Q. Lady
Over thirty years ago, I walked into a group of people who call themselves alcoholics. Although I did then and do now, detest labels, I did have a problem with drinking so I stayed . One of the first of many oft-repeated phrases that I heard was people-pleasing. Most alcoholics are experts at it by the time they reach the recovery level. In that capacity we spend a great deal of time justifying ourselves and our actions to others. One of the first things we learn in this group is to stop pleasing people and concentrate on the one thing that will assure our continued life, even when it does not please others. That one thing is staying sober first and foremost.
It would seem that the people you are advising in your book of 52 Answers are little more than people pleasers. Rarely has anyone asked me about my religion or talked to me about god outside an AA meeting in years. Another phrase we learn in that outfit is there are no big deals. If someone does ask about my religious nature, I simply tell them I dont have one and walk away. It seems to me what you call social IQ is what I learned to see as people pleasing. Anyone who questions my life is not my friend. Those are mostly alcoholics and understand not to ask such personal questions. They also know that if I need guidance, I will ask for it. So who are these people who demand answers from my very personal depths and what right do they have to question my beliefs? I dont question theirs. Youd be surprised how many apologies Ive gotten and dismissed because they were left standing in the aisle or sitting at a table with egg on their face. I simply dont feel the need to justify me to them.
I do not completely see eye to eye with the beliefs that you espouse but hey, they are yours. I have no desire to change yours or mine.
Another aspect of the total atheist beliefs that I have heard and read centers on the deist view of science. My life span began before WWII and I have seen science with egg on its face so many, many times. World-shattering pronouncements of one day are completely reversed the next. Its laudable to be certain in your beliefs but science is an ongoing process, not a fount of indelible answers.
Maybe it would be better for a lot of us to learn to say, "This is what I believe but I dont know for sure. Except that religion will be the death of us all."
Enjoyed the book.
Dear Neal, Thank you so much for reading my book. I
agree with your assessment of "people pleasing". Too often it can fall
the way of being submissive and weak. That's not what I espouse. I help
people to communicate more effectively and appropriately. Do not confuse
responsiveness with submissiveness. Submissive communicators yield
their rights to others, more often going against their own best
interests. While responsive communicators are sensitive to the needs of
others, they also pay attention to their own needs and goals. Responsive
communicators recognize and consider the other person’s needs and
rights, but do this without sacrificing their own legitimate rights. When I
talk about science I talk about the scientific method. And that method
is a pretty good one. We have to be open to wrong answers and new
information. Science embraces that. We seek to understand the world and
to consistently learn new things. Sometimes, science gets it wrong, but
that's the beauty of it! It admits to not knowing everything and to the
possibility of being "wrong". Then more experiments are made and new
ideas are tested. It's ever evolving! I like to include the words "so
far" whenever I talk about what we know in science. I am excited at the
possibilities of new information. You say you are
rarely asked about your religion. Either you are so open about it that
it is obvious or perhaps you are surrounded by people who have little
interest in learning about your philosophy of life. That's fine. This
book is for those who do have people in their life that question them.
52 Answers is for those people to help them better answer back to their
friends and family members. The book isn't just about religion though. I
tackled superstitions and many false perceptions of history. Atheist
don't have any beliefs. The only thing they share in common is a lack
of belief in a god. That's it. Just like the only thing theists have in
common is a belief in a least one god. To belief in a god or not becomes
ones worldview. After that, each person follows their own philosophy of
life. I happen to be a Humanist. Other atheists are Buddhists, pagans,
Communists, Existentialists, or even Materialists. Some atheists even
believe in ghosts or reincarnation. To say one is an atheist is simply
to state what that person does NOT believe in - a god concept. I'm happy you enjoyed my book and I hope you'll keep in touch.
Thank you so much for reading my book.
I agree with your assessment of "people pleasing". Too often it can fall the way of being submissive and weak. That's not what I espouse. I help people to communicate more effectively and appropriately. Do not confuse responsiveness with submissiveness. Submissive communicators yield their rights to others, more often going against their own best interests. While responsive communicators are sensitive to the needs of others, they also pay attention to their own needs and goals. Responsive communicators recognize and consider the other person’s needs and rights, but do this without sacrificing their own legitimate rights.
When I talk about science I talk about the scientific method. And that method is a pretty good one. We have to be open to wrong answers and new information. Science embraces that. We seek to understand the world and to consistently learn new things. Sometimes, science gets it wrong, but that's the beauty of it! It admits to not knowing everything and to the possibility of being "wrong". Then more experiments are made and new ideas are tested. It's ever evolving! I like to include the words "so far" whenever I talk about what we know in science. I am excited at the possibilities of new information.
You say you are rarely asked about your religion. Either you are so open about it that it is obvious or perhaps you are surrounded by people who have little interest in learning about your philosophy of life. That's fine. This book is for those who do have people in their life that question them. 52 Answers is for those people to help them better answer back to their friends and family members. The book isn't just about religion though. I tackled superstitions and many false perceptions of history.
Atheist don't have any beliefs. The only thing they share in common is a lack of belief in a god. That's it. Just like the only thing theists have in common is a belief in a least one god. To belief in a god or not becomes ones worldview. After that, each person follows their own philosophy of life. I happen to be a Humanist. Other atheists are Buddhists, pagans, Communists, Existentialists, or even Materialists. Some atheists even believe in ghosts or reincarnation. To say one is an atheist is simply to state what that person does NOT believe in - a god concept.
I'm happy you enjoyed my book and I hope you'll keep in touch.
Dear Social I.Q. Lady,
Sometimes I want to give advice, but I don’t know if I should or if my friend even wants to hear what I have to say. Any advice?
Dear Nora Lee,
Whenever someone comes to us with a problem, it’s natural to want to offer some advice. This is appropriately called “advising”. As long as advice is given in a respectful, caring way it can be helpful. Unfortunately one’s helpful advice is often more unhelpful so here are some things to consider the next time you want to offer your advice.
Is the advice needed? If your friend has already taken a course of action, then telling him what you think he should do isn’t helpful at all.
Is the advice wanted? Women tend to vent about their problems without actually wanting to hear a solution. They usually just want to be heard. If you really think someone is looking for some help, ask him first if he would like some advice.
Is the advice given in the right sequence? When someone has a problem and is unloading it on you, first be sympathetic. Listen. Offer support and ask questions to better understand the situation. Only after the speaker believes you have a good understanding of his problem will he be in a better position to receive your advice.
Is the advice coming from an expert? If your friend is looking to purchase a new care and you are not that familiar with cars, don’t offer advice on which car to buy. Likewise, if your friend is having financial troubles and you can’t even balance your checkbook, keep your mouth shut and just offer your support. You get the idea.
Is the advisor a close and trusted person? Although we often seek advice from professionals we hardly know, in most cases we value opinions from those with whom we share a close and personal relationship.
Is the advice offered in a sensitive, face-saving manner? No one likes a bossy-pants and no one likes to be embarrassed. Imagine a friend revealing an embarrassing error in judgment. The last thing he wants to hear is how stupid he was. Remember, it’s not just what you say, but how you say it and any hidden meanings or agendas with which it is accompanied.
In the end, it’s probably best to work on being a supportive friend unless you’re asked for your advice or opinion.
Dear Social I.Q. Lady,
Why do people need to communicate?
Communication is so strong that without it we could die. Not having enough communication can affect our health and well-being. Communication helps us in three main areas of our lives that are key to our success as human beings. These needs are physical, identity, and social.
Our physical needs are met through communication. It is deeply ingrained in our psyche to need other humans. This does not mean to simply be near them; it means to communicate with them. Without human contact, babies die. Studies have demonstrated that those who lacked enough communication with others became less healthy. They became more susceptible to colds, developed coronary problems, and were more likely to die sooner. We need to physically be connected to others and we make those connections through communication.
We self identify through communication. We send out messages and gage the return responses. We learn to monitor who we are based on the communication we receive from others. If enough people tell us we’re smart, we start to believe we’re smart. It they say we’re talented; we will start to believe we have talent. Unfortunately, if you tell someone they’re stupid or worthless, even if it’s not true, that person will start to believe the lies because we identify through communication.
In one study the happiest 10% of people polled described themselves as having a rich social life. Partners who communicated with each other well reported happier relationships than those whose communication skills were lacking or struggling.
It’s human nature to want to be happy and healthy. The best way to achieve those goals is through communication and even better, through effective and appropriate communication.
Dear Social I.Q. Lady,
What's your take on the difference between a Cult and a Religion?
There are no definite distinctions between cults and religions upon which scholars can agree. However, there is a certain “unstableness” that seems to come with cults. I distinguish a cult from a religion mainly on the behavior of the group in three areas.
1. Isolation. This behavior of cutting off members from the rest of society is troublesome. It’s a matter of degree which is why no one can see eye to eye on the definition. There are some religious groups that do somewhat isolate their members. The Jehovah Witnesses, for example, aren’t allowed to stay in contact with former members, even if those members are family. Extreme isolation is recognized by the group working and living together to the exclusion of anyone else. The Branch Dividians are a perfect example of extreme isolation. Their leader, David Koresh, moved all of his followers to a compound in Waco, Texas. That didn’t end well, did it?
2. Charismatic Leader. When I say “leader”, I’m not talking about the Pope, or someone who is merely the figurehead of a religious group; I’m talking about one person who completely dictates every movement of the group. The leader of a cult is generally very charismatic, drawing people to him in an almost trancelike way. Notice I said, “Drawing people to HIM”. There are charismatic leaders in practically every religious group, but most tend to want to draw their followers closer to their idea of “god”. Like each “characteristic” of a cult, it’s about degree and how that personality is “used”. A leader of cult will contend that only he holds the “truth” and everyone else is “wrong”. Sorry to sound vague, but again, that’s why distinguishing between a cult and a religion can be so difficult.
3. Excommunication. When a member leaves a cult, he or she is considered “flawed”. There must be something wrong with them if they want to leave the group. I grew up in a non-denominational church. We used to attend many different styles of “Christian” churches just to check them out. Most “Christians” are free to leave their church without any repercussions. They can go from an evangelical group to a conservative one and friends and family remain intact. There are some churches that teach members not to associate with nonmembers, but again, it’s about degree.
There will always be some who consider any religious group other than their own to be a cult. Then there are those who think any religious group, based solely on the fact that the ideology of religion doesn’t allow for one to think for themselves, is a cult. Those are the two extremes of the definition. Most religious scholars agree that it’s not about the number of members or how much money they take in.
The best way to avoid joining a cult is to think for yourself. Ask questions, seek real answers.
Dear Social I.Q. Lady,
I think atheists shouldn’t be celebrating Christmas because it’s a Christian holiday. Do you think it’s hypocritical of atheists when they do celebrate Christmas?
I like to say, “Never should on people.” People are free to celebrate the holidays anyway they see fit providing of course that they are not harming anyone else in the process.
It’s true that “Christmas” is supposed to be about the “birth of Christ”, but even Christians throw in many pagan rituals left over from Saturnalia and other winter traditions. Christianity is after all just one more “face of paganism”. Let’s review.
The Yule Log began with the ancient Scandinavians to honor their god Thor.
The custom of decorating a tree began with Teutonic vegetation rituals. The Roman Saturnalia adopted this practice and made it their own by using pines or evergreens.
Holly and mistletoe came from Druid ceremonies. And the list goes on.
My opinion is that no one should celebrate anything that goes against their core beliefs. With that said, when atheists put up a tree, they don’t believe they are worshipping sun-gods that have turned into trees. They just like having a tree and decorating it. One of my atheist friends puts an angel on top of her tree because she says “it looks pretty”. Atheists, as per the definition, don’t believe in any gods so when we light a Yule log, display an angel (I put up ghosts on Halloween), or even decorate a tree, we don’t impart any supernatural meaning to them. They just become fun things to do.
I don’t like celebrating “Christmas” because the name itself turns me off. I don’t mind all the pagan rituals that go along with the holiday (gifts, decorations, parties, cards, eggnog) but I call it Solstice or Humanlight. The problem with celebrating “Christmas” then is with me. I have a personal aversion to it. At the same time, I can recognize that other atheists have no problem with it and that’s ok. It’s like a vegetarian being ok with someone else eating meat.
As for Christians, I’ve always (since understanding the history surrounding Christmas) found it “wrong” for them to include pagan god worship rituals into their “blessed” holiday. The bible says in Jeremiah chapter 10 not put up a tree like the pagans. It also says not to decorate it either. These are supposed to be the very words Christians claim to believe so I find it very hypocritical when they claim to believe every word in the Bible yet do it anyway. At the same time, mind you, I am not surprised. On the other hand, I know many Christians that don’t celebrate Christmas the way we imagine. These particular Christians have removed all pagan symbols and rituals and really do just celebrate the birth of their “savior”. Of course, then there’s the question of which “god” was really “born” on December 25.
In the end, I see no harm in atheists celebrating Christmas as a pagan holiday. I cannot do that and feel good about it. Some friends recently asked me what Humanlight was all about. I told them it was just like Christmas without the religious bullcrap. Fortunately, they laughed.
Whatever you call it, I do hope you’ll smile when someone says “Happy Holidays”. Winter can be so bleak and many of us could really use some “Yuletide” cheer.
I'm often told by Christians, "I admire your faith." I remind them that not believing in a god isn't a "faith", but they like to say, "it takes more faith to believe in nothing than to believe in a god." This reply belies the very meaning of the word "faith". Sigh. Then they add, "atheists need faith to believe in evolution." Again, it's not a question of faith,but a matter of scientific understanding.
Many atheists today grew up in religious families soaking up the stories from their “holy” books and learning all about their faith. They learned to defend creationism, the Flood story, and even the book of Revelation. Many “secrets” of the Bible or their church’s innermost rituals were kept from them. Things like “who actually wrote the Gospels and when”, what really goes on in the Mormon Tabernacle, or that “Scientology believes there is an alien ruler named Xenu.” Somewhere along their journey of discovery, these soon-to-be atheists began to question their beliefs. They began to study the origins of their religious customs. They began to THINK for themselves!
It’s one thing to abandon an obvious fairy tale for reality. It’s quite another to announce to the world that you embrace the exciting ideas of science – especially evolution which is quite contrary to the idea of creationism. I find that many atheists are just as clueless about evolution as Christians are of Creationism.
I am not a scientist. I still am fascinated by new discoveries and am dumbfounded to making sense of quantum physics. But I think it’s important to understand the basics of evolution and how the world works. We, as atheists, should be able to hold a simple conversation with creationists about the fundamentals of evolution. I found the questions below posed by a Creationist toward atheists. I concur that we should know these answers. I admit I had to re-read a few books to refresh my memory.
Before you engage a Creationist in a conversation about evolution, make sure you’re on the same page regarding the definition of the word theory. There are different senses of the word. Sense 1: A scheme or system of ideas or statements held as an explanation or account of a group of facts or phenomena; a hypothesis that has been confirmed or established by observation or experiment, and is propounded or accepted as accounting for the known facts; a statement of what are held to be the general laws, principles, or causes of something known or observed. Sense 2: A hypothesis proposed as an explanation; hence, a mere hypothesis, speculation, conjecture; an idea or set of ideas about something; an individual view or notion. When we talk about the theory of evolution, we are using Sense 1 just like we would with the Theory of Gravity or the Theory of Relativity.
So now it’s time to test your knowledge. How many of these questions can you answer correctly?
We had some fun with some of these questions on my Facebook page. You can click there and see the answers. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Social-IQ-Lady/137334366290905
For the rest of the questions, I leave it to you to go study and learn. Have fun making wrinkles in your brain!